So, you're now engaged to get married but haven't a clue what to do, say or pay for! This article will provide you with an overview of your duties and responsibilities and links to other sections of our website where you can obtain further information.

Who's Paying?

Your first task is to establish who is going to pay for your wedding. Traditionally, a wedding is hosted and paid for by the bride's parents. Today, the etiquette of old is far less rigid and only about 30% of weddings are paid for by the bride's parents. More and more couples are opting to pay for their own wedding since they are then free to choose exactly what they want without the worry of putting their parents under financial strain. However, many brides' fathers have prepared themselves for their daughter's marriage by saving well in advance and they welcome the opportunity to exercise their prerogative.

Setting A Budget

If you and your bride will be responsible for organising your wedding (whether you are paying for it yourself or receiving contributions from your or your bride's parents, you are strongly advised to set a budget. Unless you have access to unlimited funds, chances are that you will have to financially plan your wedding very carefully. An inherent danger with planning anything on the scale of a traditional wedding is that you can very easily overextend yourselves, especially if you commit yourselves to expenses on a one-by-one basis without keeping an eye on the overall picture.

With the average cost of a traditional wedding in Malta being about Lm7.000, overrunning by just 15 per cent out will mean having to find another Lm1050. If your parents are contributing to your wedding, it is important that you don't end up having to go back to them asking for more money and thereby putting them under unwelcomed financial pressure. If you and your bride are paying for the total cost of your wedding, it may mean starting married life with an unplanned debt.

Unfortunately, dealing with the financial aspects of getting married can be the cause of much tension between those involved in organising your wedding. However, by carefully monitoring and controlling your expenditure with use of a budget, you will go a long way to reducing the stress that you will undoubtedly experience during your wedding preparations.

Choosing Your Venues And Setting A Date

Once you know who is paying for your wedding and how much money you have, you will be able to choose your marriage and reception venues for the type and style of wedding you want (whether it be a church or civil wedding, large or small etc.) and choose a date. Deciding upon the date of your wedding will not be as straight-forward as you might think since you will need to obtain available dates from your preferred venues. Popular venues get booked up early. However, if your budget is a consideration, it is worth bearing in mind that it is often much cheaper to get married on a weekday or out of season as venues and other wedding service providers are only too pleased to have an income at quieter times. Also, venues that have vacant dates in the very near future may charge less simply to have the date filled.

Choosing Your Groomsmen

Choosing your best man and ushers is not always as easy as it sounds. Traditionally, the role of best man is offered to your closest male relative or best friend. However, it should be some one that will be ready, willing and able to take on the responsibilities and duties, not only on the day itself but also during preparations. It is equally important that whomever you ask is acceptable to your bride as the day could easily be spoiled if you choose someone she isn't comfortable with. Ushers generally are chosen from both sides of the family but can quite acceptably be a group of friends.

The Honeymoon

If your wedding is being paid for by your bride's parents it is traditionally expected that the groom will pay for the honeymoon. However, where once the groom was expected to surprise his bride with their honeymoon destination, nowadays most couples make a joint decision so that the appropriate clothing etc can be packed. Where you are not leaving for your honeymoon destination on the day of your wedding it is also your responsibility to book an appropriate venue for the nights in between. Be sure to advise the hotel that it is your wedding night as you will be surprised at the extras that are often included free of charge. If you are flying to your honeymoon destination, also tell the airline company that you are a honeymoon couple as you may be offered extras including seat upgrades.

Wedding Outfits

Once the bride's style and colour schemes have been decided upon, you need to decide upon the style of outfits you wish the men in your bridal party to wear.

If you are not wearing lounge suits (day suits) it is traditionally the responsibility of the groom to pay for the hire of outfits for the best man, ushers and himself. Therefore, you will need to arrange with the other males in the wedding party (including the bride's father) to attend the outfitters, in order that you ensure a co-ordinated look and correct fittings. Arrange to collect your outfits a day or two before your wedding so there is time to deal with any problems that may arise.

Wedding Rings

One of your more pleasant tasks is the choosing and buying of your bride's wedding ring, a duty that is normally undertaken together. You are then responsible for the collection and payment for the ring and its safekeeping until the day of the wedding when you can pass this responsibility on to your best man. If you are to receive a wedding ring, it is traditional that your bride pays for it.

If you opt for a gold wedding ring, you need to consider how many carats the gold should be. A carat is the unit of measure for the fineness of gold, equal to 1/24 part. Pure gold is 24 carat; gold that is 75% pure is 18 carat. A band of pure gold will be too soft to last a lifetime, so it is hardened by alloying with other metals. The purest gold recommended for jewellery is 22 carat, whereas the hardest wearing gold generally available is 9 carat, which is 37.5% pure. It is recommended that the fineness of your bride's wedding ring matches her engagement ring so that one does not wear away the other.

Your Stag Night

Although the organisation of the stag night traditionally falls to the best man, it is advisable to try and have some involvement, bearing in mind that what your friends might consider to be a great practical joke could result in much embarrassment and explaining.

The Wedding Rehearsal

If you marry in church one of your last duties, before the big day, will be to attend the rehearsal. This will involve yourself and your bride, together with the best man, bridesmaid and sometimes the bride's father, going through the order of service with the priest so that you all know what to do and where to stand etc. on the day. The rehursal usually takes place during the week preceding your wedding.